Big Brother 14 Recap: Episode 1
“Big Brother is back with another season full of drama, fun and betrayal.” – Julie Chen
As a super big Big brother fan I was super excited to see nothing about the opening had changed. Julie Chen is back, the narrator is back even the very vague and frustrating statements Julie makes are back.
Chen, looking better than ever, is letting us know that this game will be filed with the 12 new contestants and that there will be a “coaches” twist to it this year. They go on to reveal the faces of 11 possible “legends” (Really? Are Renny, Jesse, Enzo and Brittney legends?) Four of which will enter the house to mentor the new house guests.
Then we get quick video packages of the twelve contestants. Here are some quick thoughts:
· Frank’s video was set at the beach and even had a moment where he looked like Halle Berry leaving the water in Die Another Day.
· Danielle’s patient at the hospital seems very annoyed that her checkup is being interrupted by these cameras.
· Shane is a very unsuccessful house “flipper”.
· Are Jodi and her family camping in a public park?
· Ian’s celebratory dance reminded me of Elaine from Seinfeld.
· I always love when someone says they are street smart, because all it what really means is that they didn’t finish high school. JoJo is very “street smart”.
· Willie “air-humping” the fridge was my favorite part of his video package. (Willie and Ian where two of the only house, they showed, that realized that it wasn’t a key they got but an invitation.)
· Was Kara’s video filmed at the Playboy Mansion?
· Joe like’s fire.
· Jenn was a platinum selling musician and now she’s going onto reality TV. (Moving on up!)
· Ashley thinks being smart means you graduated from a Big Ten school.
· Wil drives a moped.
The house guest all enter and stand on the big brother stairs in front of the entrance as if they were about to sing a hymn. J-Chen lets the contestants know that the only way they can leave the house is on a stretcher or in a body bag. Wait, that’s another show. They will enter the house and won’t be able to leave until they get voted out or are the winner of the game. Julie announces the first four house guests that go in.
The first to enter the house are Wil, Ashley, Jodi and Frank. When they enter they stop right in the entrance to let out a scream of joy and then, off to find a bed they went. Frank picked a full-size bed so that “if there’s a girl who needs a bed to share she can jump in with me.”
The second group of four to get into the house are Shane, Jenn, Danielle and Ian. As soon as they get in Ian yells out “Honey, I’m home!” which doesn’t surprise me cause he looks like someone who would say that every time he enters any house, hotel room or even brothel. Jenn immediately sets her prey-dar on Danielle with a little “Hey there pretty lady.”
The final group to get in are Playboy Playmate of the year Kara, JoJo, Joe and Willie. JoJo is terrified of not having a bed and when she sees that Joe might take what she thinks is the last available bed she lets out a whimper to let Joe know that’s her bed. Or to let him know she was just clipped by a car I’m not exactly sure.
Now that all the house guests are in the house they open up a bottle of bubbly, everybody goes into the living room and they start to lie to each other. (I love this show!)
Joe talks about hitting on Wil from behind in a diary room interview, explaining that at a bar he wouldn’t be able to tell him apart from the other women. Joe maybe you need to put down the drink.
Willie goes on to tell the least amount of information about himself that I have ever seen. Obviously he doesn’t want to give away that he’s related to the Survivor villain Russell, but since he looks so much like him, he isn’t fooling anybody. Joe uses the word “bomb” when introducing himself to the other guests; I knew he was the old guy who just really wants to be the young guy again.
Danielle lies about being a nurse by telling everyone that she is a kindergarten teacher. I understand what she is doing but how is being a teacher and a nurse so different in the eyes of Big Brother? The jobs that you want to lie about are jobs that would make other people not want to give you the money at the end not a job that you work really hard at and are devoted to help people. I just don’t get it. She has also put herself in a corner by using a lie up on such an insignificant detail that if she is found out she will be known as a liar.
Jodi is 98% sure that Frank is hiding something because he says that he is currently looking for work. Come on Jodi. Don’t waste your time. If someone was going to lie about having some sort of important job that they would think of something better then I’m currently looking for work. Jodi is not long for this game.
Jenn and JoJo have a bonding high-five and “NEW YORK!” shouts together. JoJo is so pumped that there is another New Yorker there.
Within the first fifteen minutes of the episode Ashley has a thing for Ian, Ian has a thing for Kara and Danielle has a thing for Shayne. This is going to be a good season of showmances. Especially when Ian finds out he might have a chance with Ashley.
Julie Chen throws out her first ominous threat of the season “The House guests seem comfortable now, but that’ll change...” She’s so sexy-scary.
It’s time to find out who the returning “coaches” are. First it’s Dan, the winner of season 10, and football coach. Uh oh, you better watch out other “coaches” Dan is actually a coach. Second “coach” is Danielle from season 6 and the All Stars edition. She has the record for most competition wins in one season. The first thing that we hear from the third “coach” is her famous quote from season 12 “Ilost my dignity on a slippery wiener.” That’s right it’s Brittney. (I mean no disrespect but how is Brittney one of the most memorable players ever?) The last coach is Mike Boogie from season 2 and the winner of the All Stars edition. Boogie is one half of what is arguably the best alliance in history Chill Town.
When Julie lets the guests know that the twist was returning players they all looked like they had just been told they were adopted. Little did they know that Julie was just playing them, she then tells them that they are not there competing directly against them, but that they will be “coaches.” She also lets the cast know the coaches will be picking three house guests each that they will be mentorin. The winning “coach” will receive $100 000.
Dan walks in and immediately looks like Coach Taylor, giving an impromptu pep talk and then getting everyone in a football huddle. Brittany is the second “coach” to walk in followed by Janelle and then Boogie they all got different ovations but one thing was similar all the house guests were excited to get to see these four.
As soon as everyone starts relaxing Dan starts to ask Willie questions to figure out if he is related to Russell Hantz – which he is, he just doesn’t want anyone to know about it. Willie’s worried that all the “coaches” will recognize him and not want to pick him. Meanwhile, in the living room Mike Boogie and Janelle discuss how much he looks like Russell and then decide that neither of them should take him.
Julie explains that they received invitations and not keys because there are only 11 keys and one of them would be leaving by the end of the night. She goes on to say that the “coach” will have to decide who to send home.
The teams get picked right before the competition in a snake fashion, with Brittney picking first, then Boogie, Janelle and Dan picking last.
Brittney picks Shayne, Willie and JoJo. Boogie got Frank, Ian, and Jenn. Janelle’s strategy is to pick players that are competitive, likeable and good schemers. She takes Wil, Ashley, and Joe. Dan had two last picks and ended up with what I think is the worst team. He got Kara (the Playboy playmate), Danielle and Jodi.
After teams were picked, Julie explains the first Head of Household competition of the season. The contestants will have to jump from mattress to mattress to get a bear, once they have the bear they have to jump back until they arrive at the first bed. The team that has all three bears first and has turned off the “nightlight” will win the HoH. Also the losing teams “coach” will have to eliminate one of players.
When the competition starts, Shayne blows right through the competition to get the first bear for team Brittney. Wil and team Janelle get their first bear and then Frank brings in the first bear for Boogies team. Dan’s team is in last and still doesn’t have one teddy bear. Willie brings back the second bear for Brittney’s team and JoJo makes it to the side with the bears with ease. Kara brings in the first bear for Dan’s team but they still seem like they are behind by a lot. JoJo can’t get the bear back and Joe brings back the second bear for team Janelle. Jenn, JoJo and Ashley all have the last bears for their teams but can’t get back to their teams side. JoJo is the first one to get back and Shayne charges to turn off the “nightlight” and win the competition for Brittney’s team.
Julie reminds the contestants that this competition is not only about who wins but also who loses. She goes on to let the “coaches” know that twenty minutes had passed and they were free to substitute the player on the field with one of their other players. Boogie switches Jenn with Frank and Janelle switches Ashley with Wil. Frank takes a lead only to get stuck on his way back and to have Wil pass him and take second place for Janelle’s team. Frank finishes and gets third for team Boogie, which means that Dan’s team loses and for one of them the game is over.
Since Brittney’s team won she has to name one of her players Head of Household. She names Willie HoH, and in a diary room interview he compares the feeling to winning an NCAA championship or a Super Bowl. I can relate to that because last week when I won $20 in the lottery I likened it to winning the whole shebang.
After the competition Dan decides he needs to talk to the two players on his team that he is considering sending home. Kara, the Playboy playmate, is safe because in Dan’s words “I know she has a cool head, she competed very well in the competition.” It might have had something to do with her being a Playboy playmate. So he takes Jodi into the room first and asks what she would do if she were in his position. Obviously she says that Danielle should go home. Dan then proceeds to have a meeting with Danielle and from the start you can see his body language is very different with her compared to Jodi. With Jodi he sat straight up and looked at her when she spoke, with Danielle he laid on the opposite couch looking relaxed and cool as if he already knew Jodi was going home.
Julie’s face comes over the flat screen to wrangle the house guests into the living room and let Dan know now was the time to send someone home. He stood up, faced his players and made his decision. “You guy’s all busted your ass, as a coach that’s all you can ask for, I know that every one of you did your best. But unfortunately, Jodi, I’m sorry I have to evict you.” Boom, Jodi is sent home and that’s that. 11 house guests remain, and I can’t wait to see how this season pans out.
“I’ve been watching this show for a dang long time. And I have never, ever seen anything close to as cruel. If that’s only the first night we have a whole summer of things in store for us.” - Ian